June 16, 2006 by Batman.

At church, Joe was in charge of taking up
the offerings. One Sunday after the services,
the priest counted the cash and found it was
smaller than anticipated. So he questioned
Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough
for the size of the congregation. Joe said that
he did not take any of the offering. The priest
again questioned him and again he said that
he did not take any of the offering. So the priest
said “get in the confessional” which Joe did.

Then the priest asked Joe, “Did you take any
of the offering?” and this time Joe said, “I can’t
hear you.”

Again the priest asked, “Joe did you take any
of the offering?” Again Joe answered, “I can’t
hear you.”

This time the priest yelled “JOE DID YOU TAKE
ANY OF THE OFFERING?!?”

Again Joe answered, “I can’t hear you.”

By this time the priest was getting a little angry
so he came out of the confessional and said,
“Joe trade places with me and you can ask me
a question.”

So they traded places and Joe asked. “I hear
that you and my wife are having an affair. Is
that true?”

To which the priest answered, “By golly, you
can’t hear in here!”

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May 27, 2006 by Batman.

“Home on the Range”

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty
year-old rancher in town. Tom had lost his wife
a year or so before and rumor had it that he was
marrying a “mail order” bride. Being a good friend,
the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom
assured him that it was. The banker then asked
Tom the age of  his new bride to be.. Tom proudly
said, “She’ll be twenty-one in November.”

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was,
could see that the sexual appetite of a young
woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-
old man. Wanting his old friend’s remaining years
to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom
should consider getting a hired hand to help him
out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its
own course. Tom thought this was a good idea
and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom
in town again. “How’s the new wife?” asked the
banker.

Tom proudly said, “Oh, she’s pregnant.”

The banker, happy that his sage advice had
worked out, continued, “And how’s the hired
hand?”

Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant,
too.”

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May 11, 2006 by Batman.

There was a married couple who were in
a terrible accident. The woman’s face was
burned severely. The doctor told the husband
they couldn’t graft any skin from her body
because she was so skinny. The husband
then donated some of his skin…however, the
only place suitable to the doctor was from his
buttocks. The husband requested that no one
be told of this, because after all,… this was a
very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She
looked more beautiful than she ever did before!
All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved
at her youthful beauty! She was alone with her
husband one day and she wanted to thank him
for what he did.

She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me! There is no way I
could ever repay you!!!

He replied, “Oh don’t worry, Honey, I get plenty
thanks enough every time your mother comes
over and kisses you on your cheek!!

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May 4, 2006 by Batman.

Three priests were in a railroad station on
their way home to Pittsburgh.

Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy,
shapely, well endowed woman wearing a
very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the
three priests very nervous, so they drew
straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window.
“Young lady, I would like three pickets to
Titsburg.” He completely lost his composure
and fled.

The second priest goes to the window.
“Young lady, I would like three tickets to
Pittsburgh and I would like the change in
nipples and dimes.”

Mortified, he too fled.

“Morons….” the third priest mutters and
moves to the window. “Young lady, I would
like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would
like the change in nickels and dimes. And,
if you insist on dressing like that, when you
get to the pearly gates, St. Finger’s going to
shake his Peter at you.”..

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April 25, 2006 by Batman.

Pensamentos

“What Are Those?”

A man and his young son are in the drugstore
when the son sees the shelf of condoms and
asks his father what they are. The dad replies,
“Well, son, those are condoms and they’re for
protection when you’re having sex.”

The son then picks up one of the packs and
asks why it has three in it. The dad replies,
“Those are for high school boys. One for
Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”

The son then picks up one with six units
asks, “Why six?”

The dad replies, “Well son, those are for
college men. Two for Friday, two for Saturday
and two for Sunday.”

The son then notices the 12 pack and asks
the same question.

The dad replies, “Son, those are for married
men. One for January, one for February,
one for March….”

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April 25, 2006 by Batman.

Pensamentos

“Why is E-Mail like a Penis?”

Some folks have it, some don’t. Those who have
it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They
think that those that don’t have it are somehow
inferior. They think it gives them power. They are
wrong.

Those that don’t have it may agree that it’s a nifty
toy, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who
do not have it make about it. Still, many of those
who don’t have it would like to try it.

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up,
but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the past, its only purpose was to transmit vital
to survival of species, but most folks today use it
for fun and games.

Once you start playing with it , it’s hard to stop.
Some people would play with it all day if they
didn’t have work to do.

It provides a way to interact with other people.
Some people take this interaction seriously, others
treat it as a lark. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what
kind of person you’re dealing with until it’s too late.

If you don’t apply the appropriate protective
measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead it uses yours. If
you use it too much, you will find it becomes more
and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater
than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get
you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how
good your intentions, it will warp your behavior.
Later you’ll ask, why on earth did I do that?

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own
devices, it will just do the same things it did before.

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April 25, 2006 by Batman.

“Saving Up”

“Oh my G~d,” said the bride. “He told me that
he had been saving up for 75 years…. I thought
he meant his money!!”

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April 25, 2006 by Batman.

“Scavenger Hunt”

A woman answered her front door and saw
a little boy holding a list. “Lady,” he explained,
“I’m on a scavenger hunt, and I still need
three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone
and a piece of used carbon paper to earn
a dollar.”

“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you
on such a challenging scavenger hunt?”

“My babysitter’s boyfriend.”

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October 9, 2005 by Batman.

Jessica Simpson’s Bouncy Breasts - Funny Video - EXTREME Funny Pictures

Comentários são desnecessários…

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