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- Fun (10)
- Jokes (23)
- Modo de Vida (1)
- News (4)
- Photos & Fotos (15)
- Tale (3)
- trilhas (1)
- Videos (1)
- XXX (1)
- September 2, 2010: What Be Your Nerd Type?
- March 24, 2010: Freiras...
- February 24, 2010: E então a briga começou….
- February 14, 2010: Darken The Sun
- November 12, 2008: Aik & Anna's
- January 28, 2008: Batman foi pra Cachu
- January 4, 2008: Dor do Amor
- December 19, 2007: as trilhas
- December 16, 2007: San Diego / Carlsbad - CA
- December 14, 2007: Sessão Nostalgia!
Archive for the Fun Category
Freiras…
March 24, 2010 by Batman.
Um trem bate em um ônibus cheio de freiras e todas morrem.
Elas estão todas em frente a São Pedro, tentando atravessar os portões do Paraíso. O santo pergunta à primeira freira:
- Irmã Francisca, você alguma vez teve contato com um pênis?
A irmã sorri, timidamente, e responde:
- Bem, uma vez eu toquei a cabeça de um, com a pontinha do meu dedo…
- OK. – diz o porteiro do Céu. – Enfie a ponta do dedo nesta bacia de água benta e atravesse o portão…
São Pedro pergunta à segunda freira:
- Irmã Beatriz, você alguma vez teve contato com um pênis?
A irmã reluta um pouco, mas responde:
- Bem, uma vez segurei e acariciei um…
- Sendo assim, – determina São Pedro – enfie a mão toda na água benta e atravesse o portão…
De repente forma-se um tumulto na fila das freiras. Uma delas começa a empurrar as outras para passar na frente. Quando a freirinha afoita chega ao início da fila, São Pedro pergunta:
- Irmã, qual o motivo da tanta pressa?
E a freira responde:
- É que, se eu vou ter que fazer gargarejo com essa água, melhor fazer agora, antes que a Irmã Socorro lave a bunda.
Posted in Fun, Jokes | Print | 1 Comment »
E então a briga começou….
February 24, 2010 by Batman.
Minha esposa sentou-se no sofá junto a mim enquanto eu passava pelos canais.
Ela perguntou, “O que tem na TV?
“Eu disse, “Poeira.”
E então a briga começou….
Minha esposa estava dando dicas sobre o que ela queria para seu aniversário
que estava próximo.
Ela disse, “Quero algo brilhante que vá de 0 a 200 em cerca de 3 segundos. “
Eu comprei uma balança para ela.
E então a briga começou…
Quando cheguei em casa ontem a noite, minha esposa exigiu que a levasse a algum lugar caro.
Então eu a levei ao posto de gasolina.
E então a briga começou…
A mulher esta nua, olhando no espelho do quarto de dormir.
Ela não feliz com o que vê e diz para o marido, “Sinto-me horrível; pareço velha, gorda e feia.
Eu realmente preciso de um elogio seu. “
O marido retruca, “Sua visão está perto da perfeição. “
E então a briga começou…
Eu levei minha esposa ao restaurante. O garçom, por algum motivo, anotou meu pedido primeiro.
“Eu vou querer churrasco mal-passado, por favor.”
Ele disse, “Você não está preocupado com a vaca louca ?”
“Não, ela mesma pode fazer seu pedido.”
E então a briga começou…
Posted in Fun, Jokes | Print | No Comments »
Aik & Anna’s
November 12, 2008 by Batman.
Sunday BBQ at my good friend Aikhong…
didn’t finish here… but no photos after this, darn, my battery went off…!!!
Posted in Modo de Vida, Photos & Fotos, Fun | Print | 1 Comment »
Batman foi pra Cachu
January 28, 2008 by Batman.
graças aos meus camaradas, mesmo estando longe fui lembrado! Valeu mesmo, a saudade bate mais forte, a amizade continua…
vejam as outras fotos da trilha que "fizemos" AQUI
Posted in trilhas, Photos & Fotos, Fun | Print | 1 Comment »
A inteligência dos ministros
June 27, 2007 by Batman.
Lula vai à Inglaterra visitar a rainha; ele a homenageia, troca presentes e lhe pergunta:
- Senhora rainha, como consegue escolher ministros tão maravilhosos?
Ela lhe responde:
- É fácil senhor presidente! Eu apenas faço uma pergunta inteligente. Se a pessoa conseguir responder, é por que ela é capacitada para ser ministro.
- Quer ver? Vou lhe dar um exemplo. Aí a rainha pega o telefone, liga para Tony Blair e lhe pergunta:
- Tony, seu pai e sua mãe têm um bebê. Ele não é seu irmão nem sua irmã. Então quem êle é?
O ministro pensa e pensa, aí lhe responde:
- Senhora rainha, esse bebê sou eu.
Ela diz que a resposta está certa, agradece e desliga o telefone; falando para Lula:
- Viu só? Êle merece ser ministro.
Lula maravilhado com isso, volta ao Brasil. Chama sua ministra Dilma Roussef e lhe pergunta:
- Senhora Dilma, seu pai e sua mãe têm um filho. Êle não é seu irmão nem sua irmã. Então quem êle é?
A ministra pensa e pensa, então lhe fala:
- Senhor presidente, eu vou consultar meus assessores e lhe trago a resposta. Vai à sala de seus assessores e lhes cobra a resposta, dizendo
para serem rápidos, que o presidente está esperando. Nenhum sabe a resposta.
Aí um deles lhe diz para consultar a equipe de base que está mais ligada ao povo, e que devem saber dessas coisas.
Seguindo o conselho, Dilma liga para a equipe de base e lhes faz a mesma pergunta. Também não souberam responder e disseram para a ministra
perguntar para o ex-presidente Fernando Henrique, dizendo que êle é muito inteligente e que saberia responder a essa pergunta.
Então Dilma liga para o ex-presidente e lhe pergunta:
- Fernando Henrique, aqui é a ministra Dilma Rosseuf. Eu tenho uma pergunta para você! Se seu pai e sua mãe têm um bebê. E esse bebê não é
seu irmão nem sua irmã. Então quem é esse bebê?
O ex-presidente pensa e pensa, e lhe responde:
- Ora senhora ministra é lógico que esse bebê sou eu!
A ministra lhe agradece, desliga o telefone e vai correndo para contar para Lula a resposta da pergunta. Chegando na sala do presidente vai logo
falando:
- Se meu pai e minha mãe têm um bebê e esse bebê não é meu irmão nem minha irmã, é lógico que ele só pode ser o Fernando Henrique.
Então Lula dá um grande sorriso e lhe diz:
- Agora eu te peguei. Sua resposta está completamente errada… o bebê é o Tony Blair!!!
Posted in Fun, Jokes | Print | 1 Comment »
115923980505305197 - Directions!
September 26, 2006 by Batman.
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”.
The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”.
The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel.
The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. “Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”
Posted in Fun, Jokes | Print | No Comments »
“How Sleazy Are You?”
June 17, 2006 by Batman.
1. Ever tried alcohol? (1 point)
2. Ever been drunk? (2 points)
3. Ever play drinking games? (2 points)
4. Ever fall down because you drank too much? (3 points)
5. Ever drink enough to throw up? (4 points)
(bonus: Throwing up on another person — 1 point)
6. Ever wake up and not remember what you did the night before? (5 points)
7. Ever been forcibly removed from a bar? (8 points)
8. Ever participated in/finished a pub crawl? (5 points)
9. Do you drink regularly/ at least 3 times a week? (3 points)
(bonus: 1 point for each additional day –max. 7 points)
10. Ever fall asleep/pass out in a bar? (4 points)
11. Ever laughed at a physically or mentally handicapped person? (2 points)
12. Ever laughed at someone else’s misfortune? (1 point)
13. Ever try pot, hash, or magic mushrooms? (4 points for each one tried)
14. Do you do drugs regularly? (4 points)
(bonus: at least 4 times a week — 4 points)
15. Ever bought “soft” drugs? (4 points)
16. Ever sell drugs? (8 points)
17. Ever sell drugs to support a drug habit? (12 points)
18. Ever used barbiturates? (8 points)
19. Ever used hallucinogens? (8 points)
20. Ever used narcotics? (10 points)
21. Ever been stoned or drunk for more than 48 hours? (8 points)
22. Ever been on a date? (2 points)
23. Ever been felt up or groped? (2 points)
(bonus: to org*sm — 2 points)
24. Ever had sexual intercourse? (6 points)
(bonus: on first date — 2 points)
25. Ever had a bath or shower with the opposite sex? (5 points)
26. Ever paid for sex? (8 points)
27. Ever taken advantage of someone while they were stoned or drunk? (4 points)
28. Ever get someone stoned or drunk to obtain sexual favors and succeed? (8 points)
29. Ever engage in oral sex? (4 points)
(bonus: to org*sm — 2 points)
30. Ever engage in anal sex? (6 points)
(bonus: to org*sm — 2 points)
31. Ever engage in the 69 position? (4 points)
32. Ever contract an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease)? (12 points)
33. Ever had sex without a contraceptive? (4 points)
34. Ever had or knowingly been responsible for an abortion? (12 points)
35. Ever had sex with two or more partners in a week? (4 points)
36. Ever had sex with more than one person at a time? (9 points)
37. Ever had sex in a public place? (6 points)
38. Ever had carpet burns as a result of a sexual act? (4 points)
39. Ever engage in sexual activity with a member of the same sex? (10 points)
40. Ever practiced bond*ge, masochism or sadism for sexual gratification? (8 points)
41. Ever used sex toys? (6 points)
42. Ever pass out during sex? (5 points)
43. Ever been responsible for losing someone else’s virginity? (4 points)
44. Ever masturbated while talking on the phone? (3 points)
45. Ever bought something in a sex shop? (3 points)
46. Ever licked or had someone lick
An eyeball — 2 points
Toes — 1 point
Ears — 1 point
Anus — 5 points (add 5 points if you licked YOUR OWN anus)
47. Ever had sex with a relative? (5 points)
48. Ever make someone else sleep in the wet spot? (6 points)
49. Does necrophilia, pedophilia or bestiality turn you on? (20 points)
50. Ever ben arrested? (8 points)
(bonus: If convicted — 7 points)
Posted in News, Fun, Jokes | Print | No Comments »
Tale: THEY’RE MADE OUT OF MEAT
June 14, 2006 by Batman.
THEY’RE MADE OUT OF MEAT
by Terry Bisson
“They’re made out of meat.”
“Meat?”
“Meat. They’re made out of meat.”
“Meat?”
“There’s no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat.”
“That’s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?”
“They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don’t come from them. The signals come from machines.”
“So who made the machines? That’s who we want to contact.”
“They made the machines. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.”
“That’s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You’re asking me to believe in sentient meat.”
“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they’re made out of meat.”
“Maybe they’re like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.”
“Nope. They’re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn’t take long. Do you have any idea what’s the life span of meat?”
“Spare me. Okay, maybe they’re only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.”
“Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They’re meat all the way through.”
“No brain?”
“Oh, there’s a brain all right. It’s just that the brain is made out of meat! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“So … what does the thinking?”
“You’re not understanding, are you? You’re refusing to deal with what I’m telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat.”
“Thinking meat! You’re asking me to believe in thinking meat!”
“Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?”
“Omigod. You’re serious then. They’re made out of meat.”
“Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they’ve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.”
“Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?”
“First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual.”
“We’re supposed to talk to meat.”
“That’s the idea. That’s the message they’re sending out by radio. ‘Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.’ That sort of thing.”
“They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?”
“Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.”
“I thought you just told me they used radio.”
“They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.”
“Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?”
“Officially or unofficially?”
“Both.”
“Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.”
“I was hoping you would say that.”
“It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?”
“I agree one hundred percent. What’s there to say? ‘Hello, meat. How’s it going?’ But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?”
“Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can’t live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.”
“So we just pretend there’s no one home in the Universe.”
“That’s it.”
“Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You’re sure they won’t remember?”
“They’ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we’re just a dream to them.”
“A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat’s dream.”
“And we marked the entire sector unoccupied.”
“Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?”
“Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again.”
“They always come around.”
“And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone …”
the end
THEY’RE MADE OUT OF MEAT, by Terry Bisson
Posted in Tale, News, Fun | Print | 1 Comment »
Jessica Simpson’s Bouncy Breasts - Funny Video
October 9, 2005 by Batman.
Jessica Simpson’s Bouncy Breasts - Funny Video - EXTREME Funny Pictures
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